I "brake" for Perfectionism...and Musings on a Mother's Day past

Days before Mother's Day, May 2010, is when I started writing this.
It's been in my "draft" box, due to embarrassing perfectionism - "not-quite-right-ism."
On Mother's Day 2010, I re-tore a ligament in my left knee and was confined to walking on crutches for a few weeks.
I'd had the same injury 3 times in two years.
I prided myself on being the queen of mindfulness, until this point.
I knew that knees represented "Integrity" in Chinese Medicine
I plunged into questioning the integrity of my whole nourishment.
The plunge took on many forms - one of them was an implosion in my marriage, this Summer.
From what I know, most every person I love dearly got a dose of big medicine this Summer, so here is the first of 2 windows into mine:
Here is what I wrote in the Spring:
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"Mother's Day"...it really makes me laugh.
Everyday should be Mothers day.
Why wouldn't every day, for every conscious life-loving human being, be Mother's day?
Why doesn't everyday contain a moment where each of us bow to Mother (in every form that manifests),
like Muslims bow to Mecca on the hour, as the mosques call out to Allah.
Why not? Is there ANY more brilliantly designed form that keeps life going on this planet?

I believe we are so afraid to honor Mother energy that we reduce it to the most miniscule experience of a day that offers special spa packages.
Don't get me wrong, I love spa packages.
However,
I think they should be discounted and celebrated for mothers every day of the year.

What I want is a moment everyday, in every house, where Mama-energy gets bowed to and appreciated for its
Unconditional Love,
Fierce Protectiveness,
Astute Observation and Proactivity,
Staggering Endurance,
and Delicious Ironic Humor.
And I want to add to this list.


I believe we are afraid to honor this because it is SO HUGE and SO LOVING, there would be nothing left to "do" but be in that energy, if we embraced it.
I think there is a right and collective fear that we would all "die" if we just started shoring up the greatest version of the grandest vision we have ever held of
Mother.
I don't know, just a humble opinion.
I know it scares the crud out of me to imagine....to give up all fight to get it "right".

That said, I now offer my Lovolution Food tribute:
my husband.
Yes, it is true.
He is Mama....and a man...very human,
and able to love unconditionally.

The Food? My husband's big hearted honesty.
I fell in love with his heart and mind.
As I write in the early hours of the morning, wearing his fleece jacket, clicking away at a computer he convinced me I would be happy we got - that he put together - and he was right about - I can hear the first stirrings of my son.

I know that if my son awakes and needs anything
I will jostle my husband
say "I'm writing a blog about you, could you please help out?"
and he will get up without the blink of an eye.

There are 2 truths here.
-the first truth: I wouldn't have even considered marrying a man who would stay in bed in the morning if I needed help, regardless of what life had going on the night before....because there is a knowing we are both mothering AND fathering our kids
-the second truth: he could care less that I am writing a blog tribute to him.

I chuckle thinking about it.

We had our first "date" in months the other night.
It was essentially a Summer planning meeting over hot wings and whiskey.
We then shared a labyrinthian fellow-Gemini jawing about our versions of
"life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness"
and what was revealed through it is what has me typing away about him right now.
That night I said to him "I want to write a tribute to you, in my blog, because this is more Food - more beloved nourishment - the places you and I can go in conversation."
He stared at me blankly.
I think his Physicist brain was trying to translate my words.
He could have easily said "what the hell did you just say?"
But he didn't, and I applaud him for that.
Instead I got
"Hey, listen. I am all for artistic license. You can write whatever you want. It's cool with me.".

We've been together for over 13 years, married for almost 12, and parents for almost 10.
I have more gray hairs and wrinkles and sags from this experience than my ego can ponder.
The the point -however- is to acknowlege the deep rite-of-passage that marriage and parenthood are.

They are rites of passage that will either exhault a person,
make one go insane,
or both.
It is why I honor my husband today.
He has been a doula to the birth of this Beloved Food baby,
this month: a birth that is messy and ecstatic.
Being truly well fed is not about being full all the time.
It is about knowing how to reach for the best nourishment at the best time,
and how to enjoy feeding yourself.

I get an "itch" every year.
It is an itch to "get out and live a free life" beyond the confines of the limited female-male monogamy.
Every year, my husband meets my cries and calls to go deeper.
So, this is why I honor him on Mother's Day, helping me to be born into the maturity of more Compassion and Patience, and helping to mother our 2 children.
In my view, this is definitely worth honoring everyday,
for myself, my marriage, my family, and my community.
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May 2010 seems like a light year in the past now.
So much has transpired in my home.
Layers of comfort have stripped away,
and I post this as a another course in the feast of Beloved Food.
It was been a Summer of digesting,
and Fall harvest has born the nourishment of sweet and bitter fruit.
All said, I look to my marriage today as my journey to the wild divine.